Finding a guy is one thing, but keeping him around is another. Both are important steps. But what are some of the secrets of women who find men willing to commit? This is not an all-encompassing guide, but it may be a start in helping you develop deeper relationships.
Love yourself. Think, would you marry you? If you’re not happy with who you are then don’t expect others will be. Analyze yourself and change what you don’t like. Positive self-esteem is key.
Communicate. From the start of the relationship and all through the marriage, the key to keeping the relationship together is communication. Tell him what you feel both positive and negative.
Be natural. For all the glamour advertisements out there, the fake boobs, hair dyes, and all the rest, a man really appreciates something that is genuine. Be natural and don’t pose. You want him to get to know the real you because it is the real you he’s going to have to live with when you’re married.
Be sexy. While sexuality isn’t the only thing in a relationship, it is important. Show that you’re interested in him romantically. Try not to be too prudish and withdrawn. Allow that aspect of the relationship to be free, fun, and lively. Men who want to marry aren’t looking for just a roommate.
Know your role. An important part of any relationship is making both partners aware that they have a crucial and indispensable role to play. Make sure that you and your partner have a similar view of the relationship. If you’re looking for someone to have kids with and he’s looking for a casual relationship, it’s not going to work out.
Be emotionally grounded. Life with you should not be a roller coaster ride. Men generally like women who are stable and vice versa. Sometimes this is a difficult task in our hectic lives, but it is not impossible. If you find yourself referred to as a “drama queen” in more than one instance, seek help and guidance in relaxing your nerves and calming your emotions.
Men are often slower to commit because they are very careful about getting to know a woman before they commit to her. They date first before becoming a boyfriend, and they stay a boyfriend first before getting engaged. This is often hard for women, but there is a lesson to be learned from it. They make sure (as women should) that they feel compatible on all levels. This process must happen at its own pace. Pressuring a man to make a decision before he feels he knows you will inevitably lead him to be uncertain. Don’t talk about marriage until either he brings it up or it’s been about a year.
Keep dating fun, as it should be. If dating goes well, and your interactions are positive, he’ll want you to be his girlfriend. If he builds experience with you and sees you as a person he wants to be with forever, he will get more serious about his future and work, start considering more distant goals such as buying a home, and begin to discuss the future more and more. Only once he has made a decision about you and feels prepared and mature enough to propose will he do so.
Show confidence. Be sure of yourself, and ready to tackle whatever is before you. Many men love confident women. How can a man not feel privileged when he earns the esteem of a woman who values herself so highly?
Show endearment with class. A special glance, a scratch on the back, or a soft kiss is nice, but nothing “clingy” or inappropriate.
Appreciate a man’s strengths. Also, tell him so, even if he’s already prideful. Then, support him when he is at his best, and avoid nagging or berating him when he is at his worst.
Be fun. This sounds basic, but it’s a critical factor in any relationship. Have a sense of humor. Don’t be uptight or negative.
Overflow with joy. Women who are glad to be alive and are enjoying every minute of it may be irrepressibly attractive to men.
Glow. If the warmth of your heart is written all over your face, and your feelings for your guy show in the sparkle in your eyes, you will melt him. This is what removes all doubt–it’s the important “silver bullet”.
Practice humility. A humble person is not someone who downplays herself; it is a person who controls her ego and shows a genuine interest in others.
Date. It may not be obvious, but you actually have to go out on dates with a man and commit to a relationship before he will propose. The term “date” in modern culture is vague and sometimes redefined as something more than it is. Simply converse with a man and get to know more about each others’ lives.
Don’t assume. Some men wait slightly longer than you might want before they ask. If he is really worth marrying, you should be willing to wait (within reason). But if he is uninterested (or worse, making excuses) even after a long period of time, you need to re-evaluate the direction of your relationship.
Remember that romance runs both ways. If you want to be respected and treated as an equal, do the same for him. Be romantic. Make him want to be in this relationship. Don’t be a cheapskate. Men often enjoy romance too; pretending otherwise will only drive him away.
Remember that some men are perfectly willing to date women they really like but don’t see as “marriage material.” If, after six months to a year, you still haven’t heard him refer to his future plans for marriage or family (with or without you), you may need to ask, “What qualities do you look for in someone you see yourself committing to?” If he mentions qualities he’s complimented you on, take it as a good sign. If his compliments are largely related to sex, it probably is not.
If you feel the need to have a serious talk, reconsider the approach. Instead of coming at him with a serious tone (which will bring up his innate fear of pressure for commitment), be upbeat and positive. “I really love spending time with you. I really feel happy around you. But I just want to double check and see if we’re on the same page. While I know it is too soon for us to worry about it, I do want to get married in the future and want to make sure I’m dating someone who has the same values as me. As we get to know each other better and better, are you beginning to see me as someone you could possibly see that happening with?”
Convey unconditional love. A strong relationship should be based upon more than convenience. Pushing past difficult times while remaining together requires a deep commitment and appreciation for one another. Unconditional love is developed over time. It is a choice we make, not necessarily a feeling we experience.