Six $ex Positions That Are Totally Overrated

Not everything is as they seem, here is a list that we think are not as good as they look

I’m sure you agree with the title, there are a lot of things that are overrated, remember that time when a friend told you about how great a movie is, and then you went to see it and it was bleh?

You were devastated that you wasted money. We’re here to talk about S3@.x:’ positions that might have been overrated. P@.rn is easier to come by today better than years ago, when you have to hide the P@.rn CD at the bottom of the bag, so your parents dont find out, and give you the whipping of a lifetime. It’s available for whatever purpose you want it for, entertainment, learning and of course jerking off but there are some positions that look good on film, but are absolutely frustrating trying at home.

Kristin Collins Jackson from The Frisk analyses these positions

1) The 69

Don’t get me wrong, this move looks great in HD P@.rn with soft lighting and your computer muted. What you get in real life though, it’s hard work. For one thing, it really works best if you are about the same height as the other person and if the person has a shred of grace in their movements. I’ve actually been kneed in the face before. Not to mention the fact that I’m just not enjoying myself completely while I’m pleasuring someone else. Maybe I’m selfish or maybe I just can’t multi-task, but this isn’t project management, this is S3@.x:’. Let’s each take a turn, or several, so we can get the best pleasure possible.

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2) Reverse cowgirl

Puh-lease. Ain’t nobody having an org@.$m like that, and by nobody I mean ME. If there is a position where I can’t make eye contact with the person inside me, that position should have me in so much pleasure that I don’t need to see my partner because my vision is blurry from extreme ecstasy. The angle of this move just doesn’t do it for some of us ladies and we’re left begrudgingly boppin’ around.

3) The Eiffel Tower

One of my gal pals once told me that her biggest regret in college was not having a threeway with two dudes she met on a boat: As one of her good friends, I would have to agree. I would be lying if I said that having S3@.x:’ with two guys was not on my list of “Things To Do Before I Die,” nestled between publishing a book and visiting Siberia. So, I’m not hating on a threesome. The thing that’s lame about the Eiffel Tower is that having the two guys hi-five each other is totally S3@.x:’ist. Any threesome deserves a group hi-five and nothing less.

4) Tantric S3@.x:’

I once had the lack of pleasure of dating someone who was very into tantric S3@.x:’. I made the two hour mark and told him that tantric S3@.x:’ was not for me. I had a job, I needed to return all those text messages that I heard going off during our S3@.x:’capade, and I desperately needed a sandwich. All that time spent gazing into each other’s eyes, trying to suppress an org@.$m or whatever? No thanks.

5) Facials

I’ll admit, the first time I engaged in a cum shot, it was all my idea (sorry, Mom and Dad). I was all excited and sent my boo some very racy texts while I was at work that I was ready to take a cum shot to the face. I should have known by his lack of excitement that it was probably going to end badly. As great as the S3@.x:’ was leading up to it, his load got in my hair and my eye which left him apologizing profusely and me squealing in discomfort. Literally the opposite of how you ever want S3@.x:’ to end.

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6) Food S3@.x:’

Food S3@.x:’ has never been on the top of my list of S3@.x:’ acts to try. I don’t have laundry in my building to wash my bedding afterward, I’m scared of having to go to the emergency room for my peanut allergy and explaining why I’m N@kkd and covered in Nutella. Most importantly, it’s S3@.x:’. There are enough juices flowing around, we don’t need to add more to the mix. And contrary to what hipsters would have you believe, bacon does not make everything better.

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