When it comes to having a love that continuously goes unreciprocated, it feels like you are a victim of a perpetual black hole. You pour your energy in, but nothing ever comes out of it. But then this new person comes along and alters your state of consciousness so you think you might be a priority, when in reality you are just his next option. If you cannot decipher his intentions for you, then here are the true signs you need to look for to tell if you are just an option:
1. Out-of-the-blue appearances
Though he may have the decency to ask you over a text message about what your plans are tonight, regardless of how fast you respond, he takes forever. So you are left wondering what is actually happening or if you may wind up spending the evening with him. Instead of just carrying on the day as you would normally, you try to forgo meals (just in case of dinner) and check your phone every 5 minutes.
Then, like a bolt from the blue, there he is, either offering the chance to do something fun or messaging a short apology like, “sorry, never mind.” This shows pure unreliability. If he cared, he would respond within a reasonable time or at least give a reason for why he had contacted you in first place. Last minute requests may be pleasant at first, but treat them with caution.
2. I-need-something-from-you calls
Some friends do this too. They call you for help with moving everything out of their apartment but when you need similar assistance, suddenly everyone takes to the hills. If you find him calling up, asking for a partner to a family dinner or someone to take him to the garage to pick up his car, be wary if he has never done the same for you.
When these needful requests go without reciprocation, it merely translates into, “You are the only viable human option right now, so please?” Also, this counts towards him disappearing whenever you need help too. You would never bail on him, but he does it routinely to you. Learn to say no, honey. You will see how quickly he disappears.
3. A lack of give-and-take
Good relationships, whether romantic or platonic, are built on give-and-take. If conversations are one-sided, such as what he did or did not do, who aggravated him that day, or about past heartbreaks, woes, and other problems without once ever asking you for perspectives or anecdotes, this is not healthy.
Someone who cares about you and your thoughts will let you speak once in a while about yourself without flipping things back on themselves. Guys who constantly speak highly of themselves but put others down, including ex-girlfriends, are narcissistic. You will never be more than an accessory.
4. Everyone knows what is up before you
Most of the time, when someone who cares about you has a major, life-altering event, you are on their to-call list. You might not be the first one, as that may be their parents (depending on his age), but you would sure be the second or third.
However, if all of his friends seem to know something that went down a few days ago, like a fight, illness, or accident, but you stand there knowing nothing, something is up. This means two things. First, he may be hiding something – like having someone other than you as company; and second, he does not care about how this news could affect you.
Being an option hurts worse than heartbreak, and it can be slightly embarrassing when you figure out that your efforts were in vain. That you have been used. But keep your chin up, and keep on loving the world. Someday, you will find the person who sees you as their priority. Until then, remember these clues to save you from another unrequited love.