You tied the knot years ago, the honeymoon phase is way back in the rearview mirror, and your sex life has stagnated. Sound familiar? If this is you, read on to find sex tips for both you and your partner. Approach this information with an open mind, apply what you feel is appropriate for your relationship, and you just may regain the spark that has dimmed over time.
Take a cue from your naturally masculine energy and take control of the sexual situation. Like leading on the dance floor, be the leader of the bedroom. Don’t wait for your wife to walk you through each and every step of your usual sexual experience, take her hand and direct her through each caress, kiss, and embrace. There is a time and a place for sheer male dominance in the bedroom, and if your sex life has lost it’s edge, it is time you played from this playbook.
This tip is indirect, but can create numerous benefits when it comes time for you and your lady to get intimate. For one, any improved muscle or cardiovascular endurance will make less physically demanding, therefore more enjoyable. You don’t want to be trying to catch your breath as you make love to your wife. Hop on a treadmill or hit the weights to give your physical presence in bed a boost.
Along with physically feeling better during the act of sex, studies have shown that regular exercise can improve stamina in the bedroom and play a role as an aphrodisiac to your partner. Last longer in the sheets and seem more desirable? Sign me up.
Tell your wife or your girlfriend what’s on your mind while you’re in the thick of it. If their body turns you on, let them know. If what they’re doing feels incredible, make sure they understand how good it feels. Letting your partner know does two things for your shared sexual experience:
- It lets them know that you’re enjoying yourself, which will make them enjoy it that much more.
- It will reinforce whatever it is that you’re enjoying in that moment. If you really enjoy when she’s on top, comment specifically on why you like it. I bet you’ll find her climbing on top more often in the future.
Expand Your Horizons
Sex is not just about the land down under. There’s plenty of other areas of your lady’s body that can rev her engine. Spend some extra time kissing her neck, nibbling her nipples, or licking her ear. Don’t just go straight from Point A (her mouth) to Point B (her vagina) without exploring the terrain between. Build the anticipation by taking your time as you head from top to bottom. The more predictable your actions, the more she can expect your next move. Often times surprise and spontaneity equals sexy. Don’t play from the same playbook each time you and your wife get intimate.
Alright, you’ve been married for years and have become accustomed to the same old sex routine. You put the kids to sleep, watch one of your favorite shows together, and then walk through the same step by step sexual experience that you and your man have been “enjoying” for years.
Rather than settling for the status quo, get curious about what new things your husband would like to try. There’s nothing wrong with letting each other explore certain fantasies, as long as it’s in a safe and non-judgmental space. Think of it this way: the plan is to be married to the same guy for the rest of your life, why not make your sex life exciting by exploring some new tricks? It doesn’t have to involve a threesome or some secret sexual rendezvous. But I’m guessing that if you both open your mind up to the possibility of each other’s sexual fantasies, you’ll be able to find something fresh that you both can agree on trying out.
Let him know what turns you on
If your man is doing something right, let him know. The female orgasm is like a puzzle, some harder to solve than others. If you know your guy is heading in the right direction, speak up and make sure he knows that he’s on the right track. Give him some praise for finding a spot on your body that is making your toes curl. The less expressive you are, the less he can be sure about what he’s doing. Most men–there is the rare occasion of a guy who has zero interest in your needs–want nothing more than to get you to the finish line. Take care of his ego, and he will be sure to take care of you.
…But Be Honest
Don’t fluff up your husband’s ego just for the sake of making him feel better. If he needs to do some adjusting, don’t be afraid to give him some compassionate guidance. Notice the word compassionate. Don’t get annoyed or upset if he’s moving in the wrong direction, just help the guy out. Chances are good that if he’s making a tragic mistake with you in the bedroom after being married to you for years, it’s your fault that you haven’t spoken up sooner. Again, he wants nothing more than to take care of you and your sexual needs, so the best way that he can do that is by receiving some honest feedback from you.
It takes two to tango. It’s cliche, but oh so true. Both men and women play a big role in the quality of a married couple’s sex life. Don’t assume that it’s just your partner’s fault if you’ve lost that spark that kept you in bed all day back when you first got together. Use these tips to gain a little awareness in your sex life and work together to recreate the magic that you once had. Your sex life doesn’t have to diminish just because you’ve gotten older. It can be just as amazing as it once was; you just have to decide to work on it.