He’s kissing your neck and rubbing your shoulders. You are deep in the throes of passion as his kisses go lower and he starts fondling your breasts. The ecstasy is building uncontrollably and your breathing deepens as you get ready to moan with pleasure. Out of nowhere a voice inside your head says,”Do my underarms smell ok?” OH NO! Not this again! The inner voice takes over and says things like,“Your boobs are saggy girl, squeeze your arms together so he at least gets a handful.” You are so bloated you shouldn’t have eaten garlic for lunch.” “Move your legs so your cellulite doesn’t show! Betcha he won’t be so excited when takes your bra off and sees it’s mostly padding.”
Just when you were finally getting into it, your negative self talk takes over and sabotages your sense of freedom, abandon, self expression and joy. You tense up and the heated moment is lost in the complaint department of your mind.
Negative self talk can make you feel unworthy of receiving love.
Is this Normal?
Is it the truth talking or are these the irrational fears that have been programmed in your mind? This voice is telling you something.
All of the negative inner chatter that we hear are identifying the limiting beliefs in our subconscious mind. What’s at the root of this chatter? Which of the 7 subconscious beliefs are sabotaging your life – find out what they are in our book UnderMind – Discover the 7 Subconscious Beliefs that Sabotage Your Life and How to Overcome Them
Do you have a fear of being unworthy of receiving love? Or a fear of not being good enough? Slim enough, perfect enough or lovable? Do you have negative associations towards sex or intimacy that you are unaware of?
Elevate Your JPM (Joy Per Minute)
Whether you are experiencing these fears or simply the distraction of a pop-up list of things to do, errands you have to run or the analytical mind that begins to wonder what he’s thinking…
Whatever your self talk, as you get closer to a state of bliss, notice when your mind hijacks the moment and use these tools to bring you back to joy:
1. Shift your attention to your breathing. Focus on the inhale and the exhale and let it relax you and create rhythm in your body.
2. Close your eyes and connect with the sense of touch. Feel your hands on your partner’s skin. Focus on the texture, the muscles, the movement. Let your hands travel around their neck, their back etc.
3. Inhale deeply to indulge in their pheromones and if your mouth is engaged feel the sensation and your partner’s desire.
4. Slow everything down and remind yourself this moment is temporary. It won’t be like this when you’re 70. You won’t relive it this way again. Connect to the joy of the present moment in a state of gratitude. You are never going to look or feel as good as you do right now.
5. Surrender to the feeling of being wanted and elevate the moment with enthusiasm in your response. Lean in and play!
The reality is that at the core of your negative inner chatter, is the neuronal pattern of insecurity.