The main reason people date is to find their potential life partners. Thus, people from different generations have listed several rules to make the search fair, easy and to ensure you do not get into a mismatch. But, come to think of it, these rules may not work that way they did in the past because people change, and so do their views and ideas.
If you just recovered from a breakup or divorce and want to join the dating pool again, here are eight rules you should break. Not only are they outdated, they simply do not apply anymore.
1. SAVE KISSING AND SEX ON THE THIRD DATE
Having sex with a new partner may mess things up because emotional attachments can occur and worse, the feelings might not be mutual.
If you are asking when the right time to have sex is, the best answer is that only you can decide. Don’t let some rules get in the way if you both feel now is the perfect time. Let your instincts and feelings decide.
If you feel you are both ready to have sex and both know where your relationship goes after, then go ahead.The same goes for kissing on the first date. Let things happen if they are bound to occur naturally.
2. MEN SHOULD ALWAYS BE THE FIRST TO ASK
So much for the equality you have been fighting for. If a guy can ask a girl out, then why can it not happen the other way around? This is an outdated rule that certainly does not apply to dating today.
For example, you meet a cute guy at a friend’s party that you like, and he happens to be a good conversationalist. Would you just let the opportunity go just because you should not make the first move?
Letting a guy know that you are interested won’t be easy but worth a try. You can say “Would you like to continue our conversation over coffee?” If he likes you too, he’ll say “yes”. For sure, he has been thinking of asking you out but scared of being turned down.
3. NEVER UTTER A WORD ABOUT YOUR EXES
The word “never” is the main reason this rule is a big mistake. You can talk about your past relationships. However, you should not sound like you’re not over it yet.
Talking about your ex during the entire date is a clear sign that you’re still bitter about it. Not talking about it too is not being open to your date.
Letting the person know about experiences in your past relationship is an effective way to let him or her know what you want in a new relationship. But, don’t send the wrong message by badmouthing your ex.
4. AVOID BRINGING UP SUBJECTS THAT COULD IGNITE ARGUMENTS
Politics and religion are topics that can easily spark an argument, especially if two individuals have opposite beliefs and views.
As this is a sensitive topic, it is okay not to talk about these things during the first few dates. You don’t want to create a hostile atmosphere that could instantly kill the chemistry between you two.
Though, you will have to ask later on if you think he is a potential new partner. Brushing off the topic completely can also cause arguments in the future, which will hurt more if you have already taken your relationship to a serious level. Find the right timing to bring it up in a conversation.
5. BEFORE DATING AGAIN, WAIT ONE MONTH FOR EACH YEAR OF YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIP
Not jumping into relationships soon after a divorce or a breakup is a sensible advice. On the other hand, let’s say you and your ex-husband were together for 12 years.
Should you wait for a year before dipping into the dating pool again? What if you were long over him even way before the divorce took place?
What you need to do is to be totally honest with yourself. Have you moved on or are you just doing it to deal with the loneliness? Are you ready to take on the challenges of meeting a new potential partner? Invest time to thoroughly figure these things out before deciding to start dating again. If three months is enough time for you, then take the dive.
6. MEN SHOULD ALWAYS PAY
If you are a woman and still tightly hold on to this rule, now is the time to let go of it.
If you are a man who believes in this principle and have the money to spend, then why not? Nevertheless, spending for dates should not always be a man’s burden for several reasons.
Whether it’s your first or tenth date, the first one to ask should offer to pay the bill. If you initiated and your date insists on splitting the bill you may accept. If it is the other way around, you can also do the same way because not every day is a fat-wallet-day. Avoid the awkwardness of going Dutch by saying “The drinks are on me,” or “It’s on me next time”.
7. DON’T GO OUT FOR ANOTHER DATE WITH THE SAME GUY IF THERE IS NO INITIAL PHYSICAL ATTRACTION
Many people believe there should be a physical attraction or a “spark” on the first date. Yes, a sudden rush of excitement during your first date or kiss is a good sign.
However, if you are always on the lookout for that kind of feeling, you might miss out on the cute guy whom you enjoy being with, even though you are not sexually attracted to him yet.
If you think he has the qualities of a partner you are looking for, do not ditch him right away. Sexual chemistry can develop once you get to know a person more. Furthermore, if you really can’t think of being sexual with him, be honest and don’t leave him with false hopes as you wait for that “spark” to ignite.
8. REVEALING YOUR DESIRE FOR LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS AND BUILDING A FAMILY MAY SEND THEM RUNNING
Blurting out that you want to settle down and have kids on the first and second date can scare someone away. The perfect time to talk about these things is when you know your feelings towards the person are getting deep.
Staying silent about what you want in life and your relationship is pointless and being dishonest. These are things you will have to deal with later on and could become a cause of a huge disagreement.
Save yourselves from all the trouble and be honest. If it scares that person away, then it is best that you part ways.
The rules of dating may have changed, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get out there again and be social. By following these guidelines, you can find that special someone in no time.