Dr. Sue Johnson is a psychologist who has worked with couples for 30 years, researching how they repaired their broken relationships.
She has finally cracked the code for creating ever-lasting romantic love by connecting all her knowledge from stories, studies, and science.
Read her recipe for creating a fulfilling and safe emotional relationship, or restoring the spark and romance in existing relationships. Here are 12 ways how to do that:
1. Don’t assume that love will magically happen to you.
The concept of romantic love is no longer considered a mystery. Scientists have explained what happens in our brain when we are in love, so this is great news because it gives you full control over your love life.
So, start learning its laws. Gain more control over your love life by gaining more knowledge and different perspectives. Because you can’t shape something which you know very little about.
2. Reflect on the way you and your partner interact with each other.
It is common knowledge that responsiveness and emotional openness are essential factors to creating lasting, solid bonds.
Dr. Johnson advises to take initiative and talk with your partner openly about the significance of these two things.
3. When you feel uncertain, stressed, or anxious – tell this to your partner.
Dr. Johnson’s study showed that holding hands with your partner can make the fear go away and can calm down your brain.
So, whenever you feel stressed or anxious take your partner’s hand and talk to them openly about your feelings. Because only the bonds of true love will help us regain our emotional balance and make us feel safe.
4. Reconsider your fighting habits.
Oftentimes, behind the fighting lies a need for a deeper emotional connection. Understand that when your partner initiates a fight it may not be only about the issue they mention.
Usually, it is deeper than that. So, instead of hearing only words of criticism – try to find what they are craving really. Maybe they are just feeling lonely and a little scared?
5. Talk with your partner about what you have learned in your family about dealing with emotions.
Talking about you and your partner’s family relations can help you both to get more insight into each other’s way of coping with things.
Also, talk about why you think it is hard for you to open up and how do you think your family affected your way of dealing with emotions. Then, try to find the harmony that you both need.
6. Keep in mind the fact that emotional injuries destroy relationships.
You can unintentionally hurt your partner simply because you matter to them so much that they take your words seriously. Your words may cut your partner like a knife if you are not careful.
Every now and then, talk with your partner and ask them if they have any unhealed wounds, maybe times when you failed to see their cues for connection and support. Show understanding of their emotions and offer them help to move on.
7. Try reaching to your partner openly for their attention and affection.
Let’s face it, we all need love. Love is an ancient thing necessary for survival. We feel stronger, happier, healthier, relaxed, and live better when we have bonded with someone.
So, it is okay to ask for love and affection from your partner. It really takes a strong person to take the risk and accept this internal need for connection and act on it.
8. Understand that the best recipe for great sex is through open communication and safe emotional connection.
The best lovers are those who are not ashamed to talk openly with their partner about their needs when it comes to sex.Incredible and mind-blowing sex rarely happens from the mere beginning of the relationship.
Great sex is created through the course of the relationship, and it takes two partners equally willing to put an effort and state their sexual preferences.
9. Talk with your partner about how you influence each other.
The thing is, we are all likely to be vulnerable when we are alone. You need to ask yourself how you influence your partner.
What impact do your actions have on them? Be careful with your actions because the brain processes emotional hurt and rejection in the same way as actual physical pain.
10. Exercise getting more closeness with your partner through a simple game of empathy.
Each person has to think about an event that happened to them during the day. Then take turns and read each other’s face and try to guess which emotion out of the 6 basic ones they feel: surprise, happiness, anger, sadness, embarrassment/shame, or fear.
See if you are right. This game is excellent about learning about each other’s body language and facial expressions.
11. Talk with your partner about your future goals and see how you can support each other in achieving them.
It helps a lot knowing that our partner supports us and has our back. We are then more likely to succeed in pursuing and achieving our goals because our excitement levels are higher and we are more confident when we have someone who believes in us.
12. Try to acknowledge the times when you find it hard to open up, or you become defensive and distant.
We all know that being emotionally open and responsive is the crucial thing when it comes to creating a solid and lasting bond with your partner.
So, take initiative and share your emotions, even when it is difficult for you. That will inspire your partner as well to be more open and honest with you.