December 4, 2018
For a majority of my time being single, I thought about what it would be like to have a boyfriend and how to get into a relationship. You know, someone to cuddle with and have late night talks with—a partner.
Of course, instead of opening myself up, I thought a friends-with-benefits is easier than actually finding someone. But, I was wrong. In fact, having casual cex just made me less open with people because you’re forced to be emotionally closed.
How to get into a relationship
Now, flash forward to my relationship now. Let me tell ya, it wasn’t easy. I’m surprised he’s still with me at times. What I realized is that finding a boyfriend isn’t necessarily hard. However, finding someone you actually want to open up to and be with—well, that’s the hard part.
If you want to be with someone, make sure that what you’re doing is the right thing. You won’t really find out until you do it. Yeah, no one tells you that in the beginning. But if you’re into someone right now and you want to know how to get into a relationship, there are a couple things you need to do. Don’t worry, it’s as complicated as we like to think it is.
#1 Know yourself. This is easier said than done, but it’s something that you need to focus on before going into a relationship. Who are you?
Before going into a relationship, you should have a good understanding of your emotions and sexuality. No one else is going to understand you the way you understand yourself. They may bring out certain emotions in you, but at the end of the day, you’re alone with your thoughts.
#2 Don’t just do it for cex. If you want to be in a relationship because of the cex, well, that’s not going to work. You need to want to be with them because you enjoy spending time with them and have an emotional connection with them. You don’t need to be in a relationship just for cex. Having cex with someone will not create a deep emotional connection, the connection that you’re looking for.
#3 Be open to what you want. If you’re talking to someone you’re interested in, and you want a relationship with them, tell them. You need to be open about what you want. If they only want something casual, understand that that’s not what you want.
You have to be firm with yourself in terms of achieving your goals. Right now, your goal is a relationship, not something casual. Don’t lower your needs.
#4 Make it a priority. If you’re really wanting a relationship, you’re going to have to invest time and energy in finding someone to be with. This means you’ll need to go on dates, go out, talk to people. You know, make yourself available. This doesn’t mean you need to be desperate and constantly searching for love, but you need to change your lifestyle so that you can allow love to enter in it.
#5 Be vulnerable. Ah yes, vulnerability. Trust me, I thought I was open but then I go into a relationship and realized that I was so closed. If you want a relationship, you’re going to have to be vulnerable with that person. The only way to create intimacy and a deep connection are through vulnerability. This means you need to take down those walls of defense because they’re not helping anyone.
#6 Look at dating differently. You may have a negative view of dating. It’s boring and a waste of time, but how do you think you’re going to meet someone without dating them first? How do you expect you’ll get to know them?
You need to start changing the way you think about dating because right now, your mindset isn’t getting you what you want. You need to change because a person who is in a relationship doesn’t think the same as a single person.
#7 This may not be the one. When going into a relationship, don’t think to yourself about this person being the one. That’ll only create pressure and worry about something you don’t need to be concerned about. If you want to get into a relationship, the most important thing is that you have feelings for this person. The rest of the stuff you can worry about later on. For now, you’re trying to get to know them.
#8 Don’t have high expectations. This is where we have a tendency to mess up. After countless romantic comedies, you have an expectation of what your partner should act and be like. But life isn’t based on everything going smoothly. You may enter this relationship and have it last a lifetime or a couple of months. When things aren’t going your way, you can’t always throw in the towel.
#9 Accept the downs. Of course, in the beginning, everything is beautiful and amazing, but when you’re in a relationship, you get to see the entire picture of your partner. They’re going to have flaws just like you. Now, if you really don’t like the flaws and can’t handle them, then they’re not for you. But if these are flaws you can accept, just accept them because they’re not going anywhere.
#10 You’re going to have to compromise. Ugh, what a horrible word. Believe me, once you’re in a relationship, you’ll understand. But seriously, you’re going to have to compromise. Yes, you want to go out with your friends tonight, but your partner had a promotion and wants to celebrate. So, you’ll have to see your friends tomorrow.
Did you want to go out with your friends tonight? Yes, but you have to start looking at these small things because they matter. It’s not just about you anymore.
#11 Deal with your baggage. We all have our own personal baggage from the past, but if you really want this relationship to work or even to get into a relationship, you’re going to have to start digging through the past and throwing out some unwanted baggage. It’s going to be hard but if you want this relationship, you don’t want your past to influence it.
#12 Don’t forget about you. Getting into a relationship has the ability to completely distract us from ourselves. Suddenly, your life is all about them, and the fact is, that’s not what a relationship is about.
If you want to get into a relationship, you need to respect and love yourself. This means you shouldn’t be running after them like a dog. Make sure your boundaries are not crossed and you have time for yourself.
#13 Enjoy it. If you want to know how to get into a relationship, the most important thing is that you’re enjoying your time with this person. Because once you’re in a relationship, you’re going to be seeing much more of them. You have to actually like this person enough to want to get to know them more.