December 5, 2018
If you’re wanting to know how to get to know someone, then you already know the challenge it poses. Whether it’s a friend or a love interest, when you feel a connection with someone you want to explore it more. But how do you take the relationship to the next level? A relationship that goes deeper than an acquaintance.
Well, since you’re already here, you’re not completely sure how to do this. But don’t worry, you’ll be able to create a deeper and meaningful relationship with the help of these tips. It’ll take some effort on your part. I know you can do it.
How to get to know someone
I’ve moved around a couple times in my life. With each move, I came to a new city without knowing anyone. I spent weeks hanging out on my own, not talking to anyone. Honestly, it was really hard to gather the courage to talk to someone. But in times of desperation for human contact, you’ll do just about anything to make a friend.
So, I went online and met some people through a language exchange. But that was just the first step. Meeting people is somewhat easy, what’s hard is getting to know them. Are you ready to do the hard work?
#1 Is this someone you actually connect with? Sometimes, we want to have a relationship with someone when we don’t actually feel a connection with them. If this is the case, then you should know up front that it’s not going to work. You can’t build a genuine relationship with someone that you don’t feel a connection with. If you’re not feeling a connection, then don’t try to be friends with this person because it’s not going to last.
#2 Go through the small talk phase. Listen, if you think that you’re just going to jump into a deep relationship with someone without passing through the small talk phase, you’re wrong. The small talk phase may seem annoying but it’s actually crucial.
This is the time when you get to see the commonalities with this person and see if this is someone that you want to get to know on a deeper level. Basically, this helps you decide whether or not you’re going to let your guard down.
#3 You’re going to have to talk. Maybe you’re not a huge talker and that’s okay, you don’t have to be a social butterfly, but if you’re trying to figure how to get to know someone, you’re going to have to ask questions. Though people may initiate conversation with you, it’s important that you reciprocate. Show that you’re interested in them.
#4 Don’t rush the process. Listen, people are all different. Some don’t mind diving right into deep conversations about their personal issues while others have a guard up. Getting to know someone, their real selves, can be a long process. Through frequent interactions, you’ll lower their guard and show them that you’re trustworthy. This is what actually allows you to get to know them. So, take it slow.
#5 Be vulnerable. If you want to get to know someone, you’re going to have to open yourself up and be vulnerable. Share your thoughts and feelings with them which helps build trust between you both. With that being said, you don’t have to share all your personal information right away. You don’t have to talk about anything too personal, but you should let them into your life.
#6 Go out with them. To build a relationship and get to know them, spend time with them. This is a great way to get to see what they’re interested in and if you have things in common. You can go for dinner, grab some drinks, or head to a bar where you both can relax and have a good time in each other’s company.
#7 Talk about yourself. Now, this doesn’t mean that you need to spend every interaction blabbing on and on about yourself, come on, you know that’s boring. But this is a good chance for you to open up and for them to listen. Let’s face it, they need to learn about you as well.
#8 Spend time together. Really, this is the only way to get to know someone. You need to spend time with this person in order to get to know their personality, their jokes, quirks, and flaws. Yes, you can talk on social media, but it’s not the same as being face-to-face with them.
#9 Find mutual interests. If you’re wondering how to get to know someone more intimately, then it’s best if you try to find out some mutual interests. That way, you can build your relationship off of something. If you both love movies, you can head to a festival and have movie nights together. Through this, you’ll be more comfortable talking to each other since you both know what you’re talking about.
#10 Ask deep questions. Eventually, you will need to cross the boundary from small talk to deep conversation. Of course, this will naturally happen when you both feel comfortable enough to share personal information. You’ll then want to ask or answer some deep questions. Make sure that if you’re going to ask them something, it relates to them or yourself.
#11 Use social media. I know social media is making us less social than before, however, it can be used to actually create a bond between people. If you follow each other on social media, you have the ability to send each other funny posts, chat, and keep a connection going when you are not seeing each other face-to-face.
#12 Depend on each other. Now, I don’t mean that you should basically jump on them and make them carry you through life. But in order to create a strong relationship, you both need to depend on each other in some way. You need to be there when they need help and vice versa. Surprise them occasionally and give them space when they need it.
#13 Relax. Don’t put so much pressure on getting to know someone. If you’re doing everything you can to build a relationship and they’re not reciprocating, there’s no point pushing it. They don’t want to let their guard down, so, that’s not your problem.